mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
