i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I deserve this hangover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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