You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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