(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
