wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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