For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
