How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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