all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
