My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
