Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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