Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
