I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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