We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
40s are totally the cure
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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