I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
