id be glad to
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex on a dog bed..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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