True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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