she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
