when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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