I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
