Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
