Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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