umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
