So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
