I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
