I should be sponsored by Trojan
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
