Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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