I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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