just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
