If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
