Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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