it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
