Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
