the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
