You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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