This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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