Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
