my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
