i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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