babies were throwing up all over the place
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
