How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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