wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
