And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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