Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
