I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
