One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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