OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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