I wish I could teleport
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
