Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had sex on a roof
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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