im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
