This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
