it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
