my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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