you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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