get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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