Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
im on a boat
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