those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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