You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
