I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
