What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
