Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
